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Durin Mephit
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Joined: 29 Jan 2004
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Location: Tigard, OR
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 Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Erik wrote: | Perhaps it's better to move Phil's "They think I was in areas that were dangerous" to the moment that Tink is closing the door. Then it's much clearer what Tink is referring to with "Good grief. We ALL go there". I had to rewind now to see what she was referring to, because there are 2 lines of texts and an animation between the two lines.
I know you don't want to change the original text, but this doesn't affect the dialogue, and it makes it all much clearer. |
I see what you mean. That part is a little confusing. But, I'm not sure that moving the line is the best idea. Tink asked Phil about closing the door because Phil PMed her instead of speaking out loud. Phil's change from speaking out loud to PMing was a signal. So Tink interrupted the conversation at that point to shut the door, and then resumed the topic with privacy. If I move things around, Tink no longer has a reason to ask about the door.
Also, I've actually changed the "character" of the scene already. In two ways, this is the least accurate portrayal of all scenes thus far in the documentaries already.
The first (very OOC) change is the "retcon" of what Kirel looks like. That's a Cyan-driven change. Kirel wasn't reversed and wasn't blue in Prologue, but it is now. It also had a clock in Prologue, and it doesn't now... so I am choosing camera angles that don't show where the clock is supposed to be.
But the second change is something I chose for aesthetics. In the actual event, the first time Tink shut the door, Phil and she continued to talk in PMs even with the closed door. And the second time, Tink still did not trust the door to maintain privacy, and she continued to PM rather than speak, though Phil began to speak normally.
I chose to have Phil and Tink speak throughout the scene with the door closed rather than PM, because it looks more expressive. But I 'm still not certain if that was the right decision. I think, that before I call this scene "done," maybe I should ask Tink to give this interpretation her blessing.
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Erik
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Joined: 23 Sep 2006
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Location: the Netherlands
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| Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:06 pm Post subject: |
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What about the following suggestion?
From:
Phil (PM): They think I was in areas that were dangerous
Tink (PM): Want me to shut the door again?
Phil nods
Tink closes the door
Tink: Good grief we all go there
To:
Phil (PM): They think I was in areas that were dangerous
Tink (PM): Good grief we all go there
Tink (PM): Want me to shut the door again?
Phil nods
Tink closes the door
In other words, Think's line (good grief...) would become a PM and it would come right after Phil's line. In this way it isn't odd that Tink asks to close the door.
And I wholeheartedly agree with your changes for this episode, concerning Kirel and the PMs.  |
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Durin Mephit
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| Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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That's a good suggestion Erik. I like that.
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Moiety Jean
First Lady of the Great Tree
Joined: 06 Jan 2004
Posts: 1852
Location: Seaaaaaattle
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| Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Brian says he was outside the door when Doug first showed him the Egg Room. So, I had it wrong in my mind.  Makes sense though. Doug never asked Brian to close the door because Doug did it himself.
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"There is a certain beautiful danger when a group of geeks get together to entertain themselves." ~Orin Drake |
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janaba1
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 1639
Location: berlin, germany
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Erik wrote: | | And I wholeheartedly agree with your changes for this episode, concerning Kirel and the PMs. |
Same here, wholeheartedly... and I like the suggested change of those lines as well...  |
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Durin Mephit
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| Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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I've switched around the lines in the video, but I'm sure you'd rather see new material rather than the same parts rehashed... so here is another test that picks up where the previous one left off.
The scene with Tink is still not complete; it continues a little past where it stops in this test. But, for a change of pace, I wanted to do some filming in the other version of the Secret Room
See if you can spot the one error in this!
http://marten.treeweasel.com/Uru/Ep9Test3b.mov
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Erik
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Joined: 23 Sep 2006
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Location: the Netherlands
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| Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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Spotted the error! 
At 3:05 the light on the door to the Egg Rooms isn't on.
Looks good, Marten! |
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janaba1
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| Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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... 
And I love the scene filmed from above in the first part... |
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Durin Mephit
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:00 am Post subject: |
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I almost forgot: This is for MJ to work from:
http://marten.treeweasel.com/Uru/Episode9v2.doc
This is *not* a final script - this is for MJ to finish editing.
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Durin Mephit
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Joined: 29 Jan 2004
Posts: 3119
Location: Tigard, OR
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| Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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The unfinished Episode 9 script is here:
http://marten.treeweasel.com/Uru/scripts/Episode9v2.doc
This script needs to be trimmed down before it can be translated - it is far too long as it is presently.
This episode is particularly difficult to edit because Pehpsee appears in it (one of the earlier Uru explorers to have passed away), and yet the discussion during her visit doesn't seem as important as other parts of the story.
Please see the refresher on script editing. http://www.thegreattree.com/bbs/viewtopic.php?p=28400#28400
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Erik
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Location: the Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 12:57 pm Post subject: |
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Regarding translating:
When Phil says he's a maverick, does that mean he considers himself an outsider, a bit of a loner? |
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Durin Mephit
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Joined: 29 Jan 2004
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| Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 1:26 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting that you should ask about that particular word - it was used a lot in the last US presidential election.
Maverick can mean outsider or loner, but it can also mean one who is unconventional among his peers, or willing to resist the will of his peers.
Dictionary.com provides this as the 2nd meaning of the word:
| Quote: | | a lone dissenter, as an intellectual, an artist, or a politician, who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates. |
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janaba1
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Posts: 1639
Location: berlin, germany
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| Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 12:43 am Post subject: |
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This second meaning sounds quite appropriate as of Phil (as of amazing Obama as well  )
so I'd favor this one too...
I'd like to mention, that I didn't start the translation yet as I'd catched a cold
with headaches, pain in the limbs etc., so I'll start with that today or tomorrow
at the latest when my head will be totally free and clear for a joyful and easy
ride through that script... |
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Durin Mephit
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Joined: 29 Jan 2004
Posts: 3119
Location: Tigard, OR
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| Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 2:04 am Post subject: |
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I hope you feel much better soon, Jana, and please get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids while you are sick - the normal doctor's advice.
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Leonardo
Explorer
Joined: 03 Nov 2006
Posts: 29
Location: italy
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| Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 10:58 am Post subject: |
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I'll start my translation soon too. I've been busy with GoMe's website updates, but now it's done and I can concentrate on this episode's script
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